Tales From Tantamount: February of the Year of the Sad Plastic Bag, part two

A slightly haphazard record of the town of Tantamount, mainly made of things that we found lying around. Not very curated, unfortunately…. And slightly shorter than usual, but February is a short month.

Proverb of the day: If at first you don’t succeed, run away and join the circus. Found in an essay about Leyla Tuthnallheaghstonvalethrumleybum, who was widely acknowledged to be the best Unbearded Lady in the Trimley circus. Tantamount District Council has recently repealed the 1906 Morality Act, meaning that circuses, suspicious-looking cows, and lawyers will once again be allowed within the (figurative) walls of Tantamount, and will no longer be chased away by slingshot-wielding youth.
To complain about this decision *cough cough we are looking at YOU Town Council*, please go to the Dumpsy Tump and yell loudly. It is possible that someone who cares will overhear.
Tantamount District Council

 

Polite Notice

You look stupid in that hat. Yes, you.

Weather report: an incandescent blue, almost limpid in its reflective qualities, which caused a confusing horizon. Several people vanished into it, never to return…

Police Notice

Dewdrop the goat, popular member of the Town Council, has gone missing. She was last seen two days ago chewing on a washing line in Mrs. Preet’s living room, number 37, Lower Edda Way. If anyone has seen Dewdrop, please let us know. She is the only sensible member of the Town Council.
xxxxx 802221

 

FORAGING WALKS WITH RASHID O’DONOGHUE

Starting on March 1st (not counting Leap Day)

Explore the Bounties of Nature with Rashid, who will take you on an exploration of Tantamount’s ever changing landscape, noting edible plants and discussing herblore. Rashid has been foraging for over a decade in Tantamount, and is not yet dead. In these uncertain economic times, foraging is a good skill to have.
T40 for the full day, price includes use of foraging equipment (nets, hooks, trowels, sunglasses, blessings and whistles). Please dress appropriately for the weather and bring your own breathing apparatus. Rashid also runs urban foraging courses – see his website for full details and bookings. http://www.freshfoodlover.tan

Weather Report: The weather today was poetry. Whether or not this is a good thing is debatable, but only in iambic pentameter and/or rhyming stream-of-consciousness.

Beware the Severn Bore!

Due to repeated misspellings, a sounder of wild boar ran through the town this morning, closely followed by a spectacular surge of water  that caused a lot of property damage, and a lot of boring surfers. The surfers have been handed over to the Carrion, as technically they are tourists who failed to complete the orientation classes. The remaining wild boar are now engaged in a pitched territorial battle with the maelids, ranging across Hope Park, Junkie Park, and Valevalleyinclineditch Park. Members of the public are advised to stay away from the public parks until the matter is resolved, and to only place bets with licenced vendors.
Thanks, Tantamount District Council.

RAVE IN THE CAVE

Rave party under the Wapley Quarry – enter through the chimney. Bring glowsticks, torches, climbing equipment and sacrificial offerings in case we wake up the eldritch terror. PARTY ALL NIGHT! FEB 28TH

This is an illegal event – if you die, nobody cares! Tantamount District Council do not condone disturbing the cave systems or the Eldritch Terror.

Found: A box of childhood dreams, slightly faded. Cannot return – have used in a rebirthing ritual. Happy to offer compensation if claimed. Contact Ali xxxxx 777 814
Found: One zimmerframe possessed by the spirit of a restless duck-demon. Call Anita xxxxx 424178
Lost: Familiar, pine marten. Answers to the name Eve. Last seen on Tuesday during an aura cleansing ritual. Call Sigurd xxxxx 873335
For Sale: Books, several hundred, slightly cursed. T15 for the lot. Sammie xxxxx666509


Tantamount will return in possibly March. Until then, consider supplying the author with drinks.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gothicmangaka
    Feb 17, 2018 @ 13:57:20

    I BLOODY LOVE TANTAMOUNT!!!

    Reply

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