Tales From Tantamount: The Beginning of the End, Year of the Sad Plastic Bag

Tantamount approaches the end of another year with grace, finesse, style, elan, and possibly death. The notes we receive from the town have become strange(r). We hope you remember that moving there would be a silly plan.

Headlines from Tantamount, perhaps the first of TBOE, Year of the Sad Plastic Bag

The Daily Rage
TODAY’S RAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY F*CKING ENORMOUS CROWS! YOU HEARD IT, CROWS! READ PAGE 6 FOR MORE STORY UNLESS YOU ARE A COWARD!!!
The Tantribune
History storms devour large parts of Tantamount, regurgitate them elsewhere. p7
Big cat spotted on Dumpsy Tump, eating chips and reciting limericks, p2
Birwatcher’s Journal
We have been told we are not allowed to mention the magpies, so we are not mentioning them for, lo, we have been firmly informed that this is not something we may do. More on p2

NOTICE
The shipbuilding yards require sacrifice. Please do not enter the shipbuilding yards unless you are willing to give something up. The prices cannot be known in advance, and may range from your favourite childhood memory to your smallest toe to half a pound of tupenny rice…

Weather Report
Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rian rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rian rain rain rain rain rain rain run rain rain rian rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rian rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rian rain rain rain rain rain

Tantamount Grapevine (Official)
The Woman in the Well has been seen, walking at night surrounded by pieces of broken stonemasonry with water flowing from her feet and hair and hands. Trevern Sent water services tried to blame the flooding on upset naiads, but Gillian and Samir say they have seen the Woman in the Well and, moreover, had seen people wearing illuminated jackets with Trevern Sent Water embroidered on them annoying the naiads in question late at night. In other gossip, Aelfred is dead (again) and Aethel has said she is quitting the past lives industry in favour of teaching croquet to kindergarteners.
The magpies continue.

Warning
The battlegrounds should be avoided. Do not speak of the battlegrounds. Carry umbrellas and charms and hope and ivy. Do not look up. Do not pick up the Carrion feathers. Everything will probably be fine for most people who are not dead or Dislocated or Eaten or Carrioned or thrown to the wights…
Tantamount Shadow Council

Notice
The approaching Festival of Being Very Cold requires that you donate all your clothes to destitute ducks.

CHICKEN LEGGED HOUSE
A poem by Grace Szcepura, Ballonwreck Primary School
She is living in
a chicken-legged house
with fluffy fluffy dinosaur feet,
like my favourite socks.
She is living in
a chicken-legged house
which roosts in the trees in the park.
When the water comes
Maybe the house will fly away
Chicken-legged chicken-winged grandma’s house.
When I am big
My house will have chicken legs
and roost in a big big tree
And all my friends will visit for cake and spells.

NOTICE
Do not talk to the Rusalki unless you are a lesbian, or a small child. Everyone else is at risk. We know the Rusalki are here in the wrong season, but frankly, we are not about to tell them this. Not even the lesbianest of us. Treat them with kindness if you must speak to them: their history is long, confused, and sometimes painful.
Tantamount Shadow Council.


Hello! So, I am probably going to stop doing Tantamount next year. This makes this the penultimate episode (there is another one coming on about the 15th December). I have had a lot of fun, and I hope you have enjoyed it too.

I have been playing with the idea of collecting Tantamount into a small booklet, writing some exclusive content for it, and selling it. Do let me know if you think you’d like to be able to own a paper copy in exchange for money! Obviously, all of the free content will remain up on my website.


Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nimue Brown
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 16:30:56

    good to know there is a bit more Tantamount to come, it has been a joy to read.

    Reply

  2. robinpoet8
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 20:16:32

    I hope the ducks get lots of clothes all those feathers are very naked, it must be embarressing for them!

    Reply

  3. peterosser
    Dec 06, 2018 @ 20:38:07

    The penultimate instalment? Tantamount to the final submersion? Or subversion? I was just watching a little segment of the live proceedings of our esteemed representatives in Westminster – just two gentlemen in the entire chamber (salary approx £75000 per year), debating the virtues of seahorses in an inane manner. Hippocampus. If only Westminster would float away downstream, and re-emerge as an overlooked satellite of the Tantamount archipelago. Cheers everyone!

    Reply

  4. gothicmangaka
    Dec 09, 2018 @ 15:47:23

    LOVE! (going to need some sort of really good cover, i expect)

    Reply

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