QUEER GALAXY STORM! EPISODE 1: THE DREADED NORMS by Meredith Debonnaire

QUEER GALAXY STORM!
Will the Queeronauts escape the clutches of the Norms?
CAN NURA FIX THE ENGINE FEED IN TIME?
How will Kaz stop herself from simply screaming at the Norm Captain?

FIND OUT IN THIS FABULOUS EPISODE OF
QUEER GALAXY STORM!
EPISODE 1: THE DREADED NORMS

Queer Galaxy Storm was a fine ship of organic make, one of the few Violet Fives still flying and the envy of all who saw her. Usually.

“Nura! Nura, you get Galaxy moving right now!” Captain Kaz, curled up at the centre of the Command Lobe, yells furiously into the communication vines. Queer Galaxy Storm rumbles in counterpoint.

“I’m knee-deep in plankton, Captain. The Feed’s broken.” Nura sounds remarkably calm, which is a terrible sign.

“Un-broken it!” snaps Kaz, projecting as much reassurance to Queer Galaxy Storm as she can; the ship’s not badly wounded, but that doesn’t mean they’re comfortable.

“We’re holding steady so far,” chimes in Maladora, “but we’re not going anywhere fast.”

“Andre, go help Nura,” Kaz pushes her mind out farther, trying to figure out what hit them.

“On my way,” Andre confirms.

“Next time I ask for a new Feed Root…” Nura still sounds unruffled, and it’s still a bad sign.

“Yes yes, new Feed Root, absolutely, as soon as we get out of here.”

Queer Galaxy Storm shudders, causing a ripple of yells and shouting.

“We’re good!” hollers Kaz.

“Who’s shooting at us?” asks Andre, sounding out of breath.

“Waiting for an ID. Hang on. Hang ooon. Oh, it’s Norms.”

“Norms?”

“Run away!”

“What do they want?”

“But Norms? I thought they were a myth!”

“RUN AWAY!”

“shitshitshitshitshitshi”

“Mrooooooooow.”

“Nobody asked you ShipCat!”

“QUIET!” the following silence is less due to Kaz’s amazing shouting skills, and more due to Queer Galaxy Storm‘s unmistakeable growl. “Right,” says the Captain, “this is the plan. I will talk to the Norms. Nura and Andre, get us fixed up and ready for a Leap. Maladora, I want a route out of here. Tap me when you’re done, and we’ll go.”

“Run awaaay,” murmurs Maladora, just before Kaz cuts off sound to her vines. She opens a line to the Norm ship, letting Queer Galaxy Storm keep an eye on everyone’s progress.

“This is Captain Kazimiril Joshua of the Starship Queer Galaxy Storm, Organic Class Pod, Violet Five. Why have you opened fire on us?”

“Confirm Captain K. Joshua. This is Captain Smith Smith of the ship Social Conservatism, Mechanical Classed Freight, Vulture Nineteen. We find your ship designation offensive.”

“Oh?” says Kaz, “did you have to shoot at us?”

“Absolutely. The very existence of your ship highly offends us. What if children see it?” Captain Smith Smith, Kaz noted, has an extremely nasal voice.

“Golly, I’d never thought of that. Do you have any children on board?”

“No. A starship is hardly a place for a child. Children require proper, balanced, human input. How would they get that on a ship?”

“What about non-human children?”

Kaz keeps her voice gently curious. There are a few moments of awkward silence. In a loop of her mind, Kaz watches Nura and Andre patching the Feed.

“That’s beside the point. We find your ship highly offensive and will be destroying it hencewith.”

“Now hang on, don’t be hasty. I don’t think I’d really thought about the impact of our ship designation on children before. Is it really so bad?” Kaz has her best ‘anxiously guilty’ voice on.

“Oh yes, terrible. It implies homosexuality.”

“Really?” Kaz does her best not to laugh. Maladora taps, letting her know that routes have been entered into Queer Galaxy Storm‘s Navigation Looms.

“Well, yes, Captain K. Joshua. The word ‘queer’ you see…”

“Oh goodness!” says Kaz, pretending shock.

“Yes. And next thing you know, people will be saying that homosexuality is alright. We’re not homophobic, of course.”

“Of course.” Nura has fixed the Feed, and is scooping plankton back into the tanks with Andre.

“We just think there’s no reason anyone else should ever have to know.”

“Mmmm hmmm.”

“And these organic ships! Next thing you know, I’ll be allowed to marry my own son!”

“Only on the bad planets,” sings Maladora. Kaz rolls her eyes and snuggles deeper into the fluid of the Command Lobe, letting Galaxy brace her. Nura and Andre finish up and hurl themselves into gelpods

“No, our only option is to blast you out of the sky,” finishes Captain Smith Smith.

“Well, fabulous as that sounds, I’m afraid we’ve places to be,” smiles Kaz, whispering “Let’s go” to Queer Galaxy Storm‘s cortex. The ship rumbles, laughs, and Leaps. Space dances by outside, and Maladora begins humming as they keep track of navigation.

“Nura?” Kaz asks.

“We’ll be fine back to Pinks’, but we’ll need a full workup then.”

“Noted. Good work getting us moving. Andre, I want to file a warning – that area hasn’t been a Normhold in years.”

“On it Captain.”

“Is the cargo safe?”

Queer Galaxy Storm confirms: 10,000 copies of first edition queer smut ready to be delivered to Pinks’, running on time. Kaz sighs, and feels Queer Galaxy Storm settle into flight.

“Well,” she mutters, “that was fun.”

Andre laughs.

And in the next episode, The author of Kidnapped by a Love Machine insists that the queeronauts attend his booklaunch, but how long can they manage to be respectable? SHOULD CAPTAIN KAZ HAVE ANOTHER OF THOSE DINKY DRINKS? And how many people can remember what Maladora looks like?


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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nimue Brown
    May 14, 2020 @ 10:28:36

    Reblogged this on Druid Life and commented:
    My good friend Merry is doing a series on her blog – it’s queer science fiction, funny, clever, charming… If that sounds like your sort of thing, wander over and read the episodes already up, and then the rest will be out weekly…

    Reply

  2. Trackback: Indie Friday roundup | The Passing Place

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Unless otherwise stated, content © Meredith Debonnaire

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