Further Tales From Tantamount: The Ocean Remembers. February 1st of the Year of the Translunary Washing Machine

Original fiction by Meredith Debonnaire.

Being a found record of Certain Correspondences between Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea, and an unnamed Airballoon. Proceed at your own risk!

The following letter sent by exciteable carrier pigeon from an airballoon, given to a seagull, and delivered to Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea mostly intact.

Dearest Thora,

I miss you. I know this is obvious, but of course it bears saying anyway. I understand why you had to return (temporarily?) but I miss you like blood, like brine, like salt. I miss you like magpies miss treasure. I hope all is well. Come back to us, come back to us safe and happy and whole.

We are currently adrift over an archipelago of lost islands – they have sunk off all ordinary maps and exist only in the memories of those who saw them, and of course the fish and birds. They are gone from maps but remain in the space between migration patterns. We can hear songs sometimes, rising up from them, and music. We aren’t daft enough to try landing, don’t worry.

Time moves differently up here, above the surface. I am still, of course, mostly in a well even on this airballoon, but that has turned out to be unexpectedly advantageous as we have steady supplies of fresh water.

Laura insists we attach a list of recipes for you, though not the actual recipes themselves. Something about “incentive to get back here” I think. The recipes are as follows:

• Ereshkigal’s food cake mix
• Mussel stew
• Pigeon pie recipe, given to us by a pigeon, containing no pigeon
• Mixed mushroom fricassé (eat with caution)
• God remains steak
• Pasta bake with onions

Write us back. Let us know how you are, and if we can help. You’ve only to call, love, and we’ll be there. Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea is much easier to get in and out of than it ever was before.

Love, all

Mila and Laura

The following delivered by overly excited seabass. It was their first time delivering a letter, and we all agree that they did very well actually.

Dear Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea Shadow Council,

I am writing to you in regards to the sale of my property, 31 Pendlewise Lane. I have sent correspondence previously, but was advised that it was eaten by Councillor Dewdrop. This is hardly my fault.

The property in question was left to me some time ago by a now-probably-dead historian known as Syrena, whom I have never met. The Secret Society of Historians have disputed the home ownership, and frankly I am in agreement with them. I have said, multiple times, that I am happy for the Secret Society of Historians to take ownership of 31 Pendlewise Lane, but have been told every time that I must go through a solicitor or estate agent. Seeing as solicitors and estate agents have currently been outlawed in Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea since the Year of the Procrastinating Badger, you will understand that I’m having some difficulty with this. As, technically, a constituent, please advise what I can do about this ridiculous situation.

Attached is the official bribe of T60 and a bag of rhubarb and custard sweets.

Regards

Laura L Lovelace

This message delivered by wasps!

TO: Laura Lovelace, The Woman In The Well AKA Mila of the Well

FROM: The Tatamount GAzette

RE: Your monthly update of highlights from Tantamount-Newly-On-Sea, February edition

Dear Laura Lovelace and The Woman in the Well AKA Mila of the Well,

We’re DELIGHTED that you’ve decided to continue your subscription with us for another month! The subscription fee of T5 or equivalent barterage will have been deducted from your personal funds by the likely-angry wasps who delivered this message! We hope you choose to keep receiving news form us 🙂

If you wish to pay by a more conventional means, we recommend screaming in the direction of our direct debits team, who we are reasonably certain are still alive somewhere…

ONTO THE MONTHLY HIGHLIGHTS FROM TANTAMOUNT-NEWLY-ON-SEA!!!!

Popular idiot politician, Johnson Johnson, suggests that dryads are just naturally less gifted than Humans. Later found partially eaten by willow tree. Dryad spokesperson has no comments, but we think the situation very fair and reasonable. It wouldn’t be good if Johnson Johnson was ACTUALLY in CHARGE of anything, would it?

Saltlick Bookcavern eats unsupervised children during half-term. Many parents suddenly discovering reasons to leave their kids there.

Town suffers influx of feral flamingoes – they appear to be trying to build a volcano, but surely that is impossible?

And finally, a picture of a very tall man. Gosh he is so tall! We only have a section of his legs available in the photograph. Check the attachment!

And that’s it! We hope you enjoyed this message, and we’ll send you more next month.

All the best,

Tantamount Gazette

Attachments: antiviral blessing.20.7.201212.translunary-washing-machine

Tallman.jpg

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Tantamount will be at the Eldritch Broadcasting Corporation event this Saturday the February! The Daffodil Beast may or may not turn up…. It will be hosted at the Hopeless Maine facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/events/1855362374817938/

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